1. Listen to “Free me” and go be those guys again.  You have one of the greatest drummers in rock at the throne, go off, play in odd time signature but make it sound cool and not wanking.

2. Only allow one ballad on this album, this means one song with Grohl on piano, no more.  That’s cool you love your wife and kids but come one man, we’re here to get drunk and scream…not weep.  I’ll listen to Alice in Chains if I want to feel like shit.

3. Don’t listen to anything you’ve done in the last 10 years.  Let it Die and the other song that-I-can’t-remember were exactly the same, we don’t need an acoustic intro that segues into huge guitars more than once. Its extremely predictable and you’re getting one step close to Bon Jovi every time you do it.

4.Please do not tour as a 15 piece band with a chick on cello out in front.  What the fuck are you doing with percussionist?  Come on man, you were in Scream!

5.Use Butch Vig as a tool but don’t let him go super crazy and get everything too razor sharp.  You’re already as tight as a band comes, don’t over edit…this is why I hope you’re recording to tape. I like the juxtaposition of using one of the most arrangement savvy producers around-but keep in mind his last record was with Green Day.  We’re trying to be cool, not rip off the Who and call it our own pop-punk-opera….yeah that last line was just an excuse to rip a band that’s 40 something and rocking eyeliner…so was this one.

6. Write about some cool shit other than being a dad, how about some UFO’s?

7.  Let Taylor loose for more than 4 bars at the end of the singles.  Please, do it for all the drum geeks.

8. Guitar solo’s-we need more, please reference Summers End.  Its the only song I could listen to on the last album.  Come back to Virginia for a weekend, write a song and then go back.  People with private jets can do this.

9. Realize you’re getting old and the guard is changing.  Please make this a great album and walk away gracefully instead of limping.

10. Take me out on tour.

My problem with going full tilt as a musician is my insecurity of what I’ll be doing when I’m 45. I don’t want to make enough money just to get by, there are other things in my life that I hope to achieve. Maybe my financial situation will pick up now that I’m going to be healthy in a couple weeks. I haven’t ever been “right”. Now I can concentrate on being healthy for once.

I do think its time for a break. I tried taking one after my hip replacement but I jumped into photography, that’s not a break. Music is always going through my head, the only time it stops is if I’m thinking about women…sometimes they go together and its really awesome. Maybe its time to just enjoy being alive and walking, I don’t need to go 110mph anymore, I’ll be here awhile. I’ll keep writing and stockpiling songs, I just don’t feel the need to run myself into the ground anymore. This is a good thing…almost as good as the drums on this song.

PLAY IT LOUD
03 Dinosaur by ajaymalghan

Roughly one week from now I will be pain free, emotionally and physically.  This is the first time in my life that I’ll ever experience this feeling.  Everyone that I’ve seen in the past couple weeks has been telling me how healthy I look.  The staff at my oncologists office were nearly in tears because they were so happy with how I’ve turned out, does it get any better than that?

I’m in less pain today than I’ve been for several months and I haven’t even had the stitches taken out, that’s how great this procedure was, truly incredible what they can do these days.  Sometimes we as humans think about how we can make our lives better and its usually by trying to add something or someone.  For me it was subtracting.

You know you’re good when you can take this kind of shot in your backyard.

First on the agenda; I think there should be a contract between me and whoever shoves the catheter into my prized posession.  I would like to meet this person and hopefully shake her hand.  If its a him, well I would like to resort to Plan A which is to have a woman handle my merchandise.  Surgery is already uncomfortable and awkward ( why is half of my thigh shaved and who played hangman on it?), if people get to check me out naked and marvel at my masterpiece of a body…then I should get something in return other than stitches, staples and drugs…I can get all those myself.  That something is the comfort of knowing my best friend is in the good hand(s) of a good looking female nurse.  I’m pretty sure it was an angry woman this time because now I know what gonorrhea must feel like…did she shove that shit back and forth like a plumber with a snake?  My hip should hurt more than an organ that wasn’t operated on, isn’t this a reasonable request?  Seriously people lets work together on this one and not put me through more pain than I need.  Next time please be more gentle or just bypass the whole thing and let me piss myself, that I can deal with.

By this time I know everybody in the OR, we have such a good rapport I was sharing tofu recipes with the IV tech.  I had inspired her to go vegetarian several months ago so it was great to give her tips on where/what to eat.  I’m a invaluable resource when it comes to tofu prep, I make eating tofu enjoyable and that’s without frying it or soaking it in soy sauce.  My coconut thai noodle dish is one the greatest dishes ever, I got Megan’s approval, need I say more?  As Boyer would say,”I’ll pan sear your face!”

On a serious note Dr. Delanois performed this procedure, not my best friend with a scalpel, saw, drill and stapler, Dr. Mont.  I had x-rays done on the spot and there was more arthritis showing up which is creating a gap in the joint.  He wanted me to be aware this surgery could make it worse and there were no guarantees, he also wanted me to consider a replacement since its obvious this hip won’t last for long.  We spoke for a while about the pros and cons of the replacement and I conveyed to him that I spent the last year trying to save this hip.  I realized this thought process is backwards, if it doesn’t work jump ship.  Live and learn I suppose.  As I waited for him to return with the results it dawned on me what limited time I have before the next procedure and what I need to do to gather enough momentum to get my career going.  It reaffirmed my idea of recording the second album before putting a band together.  This way my sound stays exactly how I want it and we can play behind two albums instead of one.  I don’t want to be stuck singing songs about heart break when I don’t feel that way anymore.  They’re great songs and I’ll be obligated to play them forever but at least I can throw in other ones that deal with cooler shit.  Did I mention I had a torn labrum?  My left hip is like the last two years, the more you look into it the more you wonder why you didn’t ditch it in the first place.  Sorry hip but you’re suspect, just get me through the next 3 years and I’ll put you on my mantle.

They wanted to keep me overnight to monitor pain but I told them my situation and about my plans to play with a guitar player from Oxford, my new mate Rob.  I got home 12 hours after I left that morning and Rob got here around 11:30, we immediately clicked (after tea) and played until 3:00 or so.  I thought we were going to play acoustic stuff but he brought a POG and we put a Muff in line…best pedal combo ever?  Lets just say I went off on the drums for a couple songs.  I was sketchy in some spots but that’s kind of inevitable when you’ve been pumped full of drugs for a whole day.  That’s how high (no pun intended) my level of musicianship has become; I can record albums the night before my surgeries rocking a cane, I can write songs with people I’ve never met after getting surgery and I can write albums on the spot in crutches. (Long Way Home anyone?)  There really is nothing between me and creating great music, all the practice has paid off.  I think a big part of this is my fortune in playing/meeting such great musicians/people in Dave Middleton, Rob and Chris.  These are people I’ve never met before but we immediately clicked in the studio and hit the ground running.  I’m really looking forward to playing with tons of new people this year, there’s alot of great music ahead.  I’m going to release the first quarter single this weekend, I just have to put the artwork together.  I also wouldn’t mind sleeping outside of the operating room.

I wouldn’t be me unless I posted these for your viewing pleasure/disgust.

Makes you wonder how I’ve have had the time to release 4 albums and Ep’s along with a ton of photos.   I know for a fact I thrive the most when my life is drama and pain free.  I can cite September through December of last year as an example; I launched a new photography website, recorded and released 2 ep’s, wrote a ton of songs for my bands second album as well as recording the first one.  So to cancer, surgeries, and toxic friendships…I’m good without you.

One thing in particular that has struck me is how these (un)health(y) situations have lead me to make harsh and irrational decisions.  They also have lead me to make a couple great ones like putting together The Long Way Home, recording my 2nd album the day before my 13th surgery and moving back to MD after my knee surgery last year.

What’s great about the past two years is I’ve reached a clarity to who is important to me and who is dead weight.  I remember calling Ian after my first hip replacement and telling him from my hospital bed that I was going to play soccer again…which meant coming back at the college level.  He didn’t snicker or laugh, he said that sounds like a good idea, you should go after it.  If everyone were so lucky to have a friend like Ian.  Then again not many people have had the bond of holding your best friend in  your arms after his head went through a windshield…that shit will make you friends for life!

Alot of people will call themselves my friends but only a handful have taken the effort to come over and brighten my day when I was in the dumps.  One day Rautzen came over and took my to get a Holy Grail Reverb pedal, he didn’t enjoy sitting in traffic but he could tell getting that pedal meant the world to me that day.  I remember when Dave came over and we hung out checking out all my photos while we caught up, he told me to stay inside while I walked(crutched) him to his car; he brings that up to this day just to show how stubborn I am.  Another great day was when Andrew and Haley came by, we all had nachos for lunch and talked about all kinds of stuff.  Haley is awesome, its great to see two of my brothers find their partners and true love.

One day that sticks out in particular is when Dale had a gig down the street with Tim so they picked me up.  Dennis took off work early and surprised her which made it even more special.  She opened her mouth and I was floored by the first note;her voice fucked me up…and trust me it wasn’t the Oxycontin.  She has a voice that could fill any room and touch everyone’s soul and I got to hear it from five feet away.  It was the first time I had eaten in several days since my tongue was so swollen it hurt to move it, the pain was excruciating when something acidic touched it.  I was enjoying the creme brule so much that I pestered Dennis into eating some of it; the last thing on his mind that day was eating creme brule, but after I insisted for 152 minutes or so he gave in.  I couldn’t tell what he enjoyed more, me shutting up or the creme brule.

To put another layer of icing on the cake of how great this year has been so far; Dimitri from The Brides congratulated me on Rid of you and said it was my best yet.  Its quite trip when people that you used to see in arenas are giving you props.  That’s as surreal as it gets.  I won’t be surprised if I get to work with Trent Reznor on my third album, its inevitable.

Tomorrow when I walk out of the Hangar and hand the keys back to John I’ll have finished my greatest acvhievement ever.  I wrote, recorded and played every instrument for my rock album. I channeled all the shit from the last couple years and made it into something positive.  I’ve been chasing this album since I quit my job at the FDA 5 years ago so I could play music all day. Now my dream is on a reel of tape, I can hold whatever was playing in my head in my hands.

It amazes me how life has lead me down this path of fulfilling my relentess need to create.  It used to haunt me since I had no clue how to treasure, control or enjoy it.  I used to struggle with what I should do with photography in music; it didn’t seem natural to be good at both.  Now I love it more than anything, I’ve been given gifts that some people never get the chance to posess or even find out if they have them.  I didn’t care for my 30th birthday, tomorrow was the day I was looking towards.  I started this album the day Declan was born, he came out because he wanted his uncle to start his life on the same day he started his.  His birth signified the cloud being lifted and he immediately brought a joy to everyone in our family.

Tomorrow I wake up as the person as I’ve been working to become.

Now everything in the future is perfect.

I looked up love and these pictures are what came up.